The book takes you on a journey through eight dates, each focusing on an important distinct theme.

It’s all about sparking conversations that matter with your partner, committing to “being curious rather than correct” in the process.

These aren’t ‘dates’ as you might know them though! You won’t just be sent off to your local restaurant, or to the nearest cinema. No, these dates are centered around opening up the door for conversation, and encouraging this communication on a regular basis, to strengthen connections and encourage long-lasting happy relationships.

This month, I’m going to be exploring a little more of the book’s themes.

‘Eight Dates’ is a great read and one I’d highly recommended…

One of the biggest threats to a positive self-image is believing that everything we do defines who we are at our core.

When we internalise negative feelings like shame or guilt about our actions, we may start to think we are inherently “bad” or flawed. This is known as the “mono-mind” belief, where we view ourselves in a one-dimensional way, which can harm our self-esteem and lead to harsh self-judgment.

Dr. Richard Schwartz, creator of Internal Family Systems (IFS), offers an alternative: the idea of “multiplicity,” where our personality is made up of different parts, with a core self that is loving and capable of healing. This approach challenges the mono-mind belief and is explored further in Schwartz’s book No Bad Parts.

In Behave, Robert Sapolsky offers insightful strategies for overcoming unhealthy habits and making better choices. We found his key idea—that we should train our brains to automatically choose healthier options—particularly impactful. Sapolsky emphasises that each indulgence reinforces the temptation, making future resistance harder. He suggests reappraisal (reframing situations) and distraction (like physical activity) as more effective tools than sheer willpower alone.

His message? Building new habits takes time and patience, so be kind to yourself during the process. A must-read for anyone struggling with self-control!

My top ten recommended reads from 2024 📚

⭐ The Immune Mind (Dr Monty Lyman)
⭐ Tiny Traumas (Dr Meg Arroll).
⭐ The Biology of Belief (Bruce H. Lipton Ph.D.)
⭐ The Phone Fix (Dr Faye Begeti).
⭐ The Way Out (Alan Gordon)
⭐ Thinking, Fast and Slow (Daniel Kahneman)
⭐ Feeling & Knowing (Antonio Damasio).
⭐ Psychology of Money (Morgan Housel).
⭐ Things No One Taught Us About Love (Vex King).
⭐ Homecoming (Dr Thema Bryant).

Explore our feedback on these top ten books of 2024, covering psychology, health, and personal growth, all available for review below.

After reading The Way Out by Alan Gordon, he discusses that these signs could indicate that a patient’s chronic pain may be neuroplastic and potentially reversible:

• Pain began during a stressful period
• Pain appeared without injury or clear physical cause
• Symptoms are wide-ranging, inconsistent, or moving
• Pain intensifies with fear, anxiety, or stress
• A history of childhood trauma or adversity
• Pain triggers aren’t linked to the body’s structure
• Traits like anxiety or perfectionism

Gordon explains that neuroplastic pain arises from learned neural pathways in the brain. This pain, though real, can be unlearned through psychological support. His Pain Reprocessing Therapy offers a promising approach to addressing and potentially alleviating this type of chronic pain.

P.s. It’s worth noting here, that it’s also possible to have none of these signs present and still be experiencing neuroplastic pain. Equally, you might relate to multiple signs and have a physical cause for your pain which has not yet been identified. But the brain and body work closely as one, so there will likely always be a combination of factors when thinking about our pain experience.

In Vex King’s latest book, “Things No One Taught Us About Love,” he is challenging some of these ideas by calling upon us to question our understanding of love and of the work we need to put in to both our own sense of self-worth and our relationships.

According to Vex King, connection is not just something that we feel or don’t feel in our long-term, committed relationships. Rather, it’s about putting the work in to sustain what you have, intentionally closing any distance and making a conscious choice to be together and cultivate closeness.